why bums get a bad rep.

(to skip long winded introduction, scroll down )

This morning started in its usual way, waking up in an oblivion to grayish purple skies. For the first 5 minutes I stay half in my dream and half in my bedroom, unable to comprehend that my thoughts are not all factual, half of them based on loony ideas I conjure up as I sleep. Then the adrenaline comes, weird natural caffeine seems to zip from my brain to my toes forcing me to realize the time: 6 am. The adrenaline takes charge of my thoughts.

something along the lines of:

"FUCK its late, I can't sleep any later or else I wont get anything done fuckfuckfuckfeck wake up NOW "

I slide out of bed-make coffee-stare at my fuzzy reflection with sandman eyes -wonder why I look exactly as I did the day before-put on some vaguely acceptable clothing- bumble around wasting time then eventually pack my bag and bike somewhere.

Today I biked to the Ashby Bart Flea Market, hoping to find things I need for the apartment .... maybe even a new bike. Negative, instead I bought overpriced earrings for fifteen dollars, money that I should have spent on groceries, or coffee.

damn I need coffee.

Anyway, the point of this entire long winded introduction : bums getting a bad reputation.

the homeless toothless, grinning men who leer at me and the rest of the female population on every street corner and BART stop.

Actually they don't have to be homeless, or toothless, this blog post is dedicated to all the creepy men out there.

I don't understand what drives these men to say the most absurdly inappropriate things, or why. Maybe it's instinct. or maybe I'm just prude.

After I left the house I did not have a good start to my day, I fell off my bike, landed on my bad knee, right on the scar and skinned it where it's most sensitive. After finding an ATM, getting back up on my bike and parking it at the Ashby station, I walked around, found earrings, spent too much on them, then decided it was time to go.

Example 1.

As I walked towards my bike, two old men stop mid sentence and blatantly turn to watch me walk, I peeked a look at them to make sure they were not about to rob the shit out me (didn't look like it.. they looked fairly harmless until they started speaking).

" red shoes, mmmm that's what she needs. red shoes."

(they were not selling anything, in case you think they were trying to lure me in to buy some shoes)

I awkwardly realize they are standing beside my bike.

" mmmm and red lipstick, red lipstick to match the shoes... you would look so nice. yes. and blowing pink bubblegum. You need some pink bubble gum baby"

I pretend not to hear as i fumble with my bike lock, the two men eying my ass as i bend down to undo the damned stubborn kriptonite U-lock.

I stand up , grab my bike. begin walking. relieved to escape. they both face me , I can't see their eyes, just my reflection in their shiny black sunglasses which wrap around their heads, sporty and streamlined.

"You know you'd look nice with pink bubble gum. Alice in wonderland, yes you're prettier than alice. wear some red shoes and red lipstick and blow some pink bubbles mmmmmm yes yes. GUUURRL DONT YOU HEA', YOUR JUS' LIKE ALICE IN WONDERLAND. yeahhhhhhhh mmmmmm girl yeah"

I'd like to make it clear that i do not look anything like alice. I wore nothing the least bit to remind them of alice, maybe it was my hairband? maybe it's because I look 14? Alice in wonderland would not wear a shirt sweater, sports bra, rolled up jeans and CHACOS for gods sake. come on. I have much more wonderland appropriate clothing in my closet.

Anyway I bike away, laughing at the absurdity of what just happened.

Example 2. (this one was actually fairly creative... )

I get to a light with a bum waiting on the other side of the street to cross. as I pass him he growls : "baby you got a flat"

I look down to check my tires (okay so it's my own fault that I'm gullible ) ,

Hearing him yell, I turn as I bike away to see him pointing to his chest. ha ha very funny.

I mean, okay so he was not hitting on me, more making fun of my lacking chest but how that is considered socially acceptable I do not understand.

Example 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10: All the other creeps that yell from their front porches, or the ones who turn in their tracks to say "hey baby how you doin' today" as you fly by on your bike.

I don't understand what drives these men to make these comments, or to stop what they are doing to yell out as you go by. And it's not just the homeless, biking home I go through a fairly acceptable neighborhood but can bet on a comment from most men over the age of 40. Do they really think you are going to jump off your bike, run over to them as they clean their car and say "HAY MISTER, WILL YOU FUCK ME PLEASE? I HEAR YOU YELL "HAY BABY" AND NOW I WANT TO FUCK YOU"

that will never, and has probably never happened.

I wonder if any old man or hobo has actually had success after a particularly good cat call. Maybe some dumb slutty girl DID stop, turn around and drag the pedophile into some alleyway to fuck his brains out. Maybe this one success is to blame, embedded in the brains of all old creeps, giving them hope and a reason to go on.

Maybe I am just a little bitter due to the fact that my main interaction with the opposite sex comes in the form of obscene gestures from toothless old men.